Hávamál
The friend you trust, and the one you don’t
With a trusted friend you share your mind and exchange gifts. With someone you do not trust, but need something from, you speak fair and keep your thoughts to yourself.
Reference: stanzas 44–46 (Bray’s numbering) (The Elder or Poetic Edda, Commonly Known as Sæmund’s Edda, part I: The Mythological Poems)
The text, stanzas 44–46
44.
Hast thou a friend whom thou trustest well,
from whom thou cravest good?
Share thy mind with him, gifts exchange with him,
fare to find him oft.
45.
But hast thou one whom thou trustest ill
yet from whom thou cravest good?
Thou shalt speak him fair, but falsely think,
and leasing pay for a lie.
46.
Yet further of him whom thou trusted ill,
and whose mind thou dost misdoubt;
thou shalt laugh with him but withhold thy thought,
for gift with like gift should be paid.
- Olive Bray (editor and translator), The Elder or Poetic Edda, Commonly Known as Sæmund’s Edda, part I: The Mythological Poems (opens in a new tab) (1908), stanzas 44–46 (Bray’s numbering) Rights: Public domain. Published in 1908, so in the public domain in the United States. Text as edited online by D. L. Ashliman, Folklore and Mythology Electronic Texts, University of Pittsburgh.
In plain English
If you have a friend you trust well, and want good from him, share your mind with him, exchange gifts with him and go to see him often.
But if you have someone you trust badly and still want good from him, speak him fair while thinking otherwise, and pay lying with lying.
Further, of someone you do not trust and whose mind you doubt: laugh with him, but keep your thoughts back. A gift should be repaid with a like gift.
- Olive Bray (editor and translator), The Elder or Poetic Edda, Commonly Known as Sæmund’s Edda, part I: The Mythological Poems (opens in a new tab) (1908), stanzas 44–46 (Bray’s numbering) Rights: Public domain. Published in 1908, so in the public domain in the United States. Text as edited online by D. L. Ashliman, Folklore and Mythology Electronic Texts, University of Pittsburgh.
How the stanzas are built
The three stanzas work as a set: one for the friend you trust, and two for someone you do not. The line “and leasing pay for a lie” in stanza 45 also appears in stanza 42. (“Leasing” is Bray’s word for lying.)
- Olive Bray (editor and translator), The Elder or Poetic Edda, Commonly Known as Sæmund’s Edda, part I: The Mythological Poems (opens in a new tab) (1908), stanzas 44–46 (Bray’s numbering) Rights: Public domain. Published in 1908, so in the public domain in the United States. Text as edited online by D. L. Ashliman, Folklore and Mythology Electronic Texts, University of Pittsburgh.
Modern interpretation
The poem openly advises guardedness, even deceit, towards someone you do not trust. Whether that is wise or simply how a world of feuds worked is for the reader to judge. Modern readings often turn it into advice about boundaries at work or in a family.
Questions to sit with
- Who do you share your mind with? Who gets only your polite face, and is that deliberate?